Putting yourself out there

Writing is pretty stressful.  I don't say this strictly because I'm a writer, I say this because it is.  It is the ultimate form of putting yourself out there.  You're taking something that you've written, and putting it out for human consumption.  To be judged, good or bad, by complete strangers. These are people who's taste may or may not run in the same way as your own.  One person who reads it may like it, another may not.  They might not like your style, the subject matter, or even just hate the cover.  Or they may love it.  You never know either way.

See, writing is  very personal thing.  The style, the voice, the grammar, the ideas;  they all come from within you.  A critique is like a huge kick in the belly, good or bad.  They aren't just critiquing your work, but in a way they are critiquing you.  You are giving them a look into your soul, and they have to chose whether or not they like that core being.  Because that is what writing is.

Sure, there is the anonymity of a pen name.  That wall that you can build up between yourself and the reader.  But there are holes in that wall, and they just happen to be over your most vital areas.  They don't cover your heart, your soul.  They only place you at one remove, so that you don't have to deal with them in person.  But even that remove is not nearly enough for some.

How you take it determines how you will make it in the industry.  Being able to take a bad review and learn from it is what makes an author, not merely a writer.  You have to be able to take that punch in the gut, read what is being said, and work with it to improve your own writing.  If you can't do it, well, you don't need to be in the game.

So far, I have had some decent luck.  The lowest ratings that I've had are 3 star, which is about average.  I've had a few 5 star reviews on Goodreads.  Those made me happy.  A 4 star or two.  Those too.  The 3 stars are what hit me, because nobody wants to be just average.  So I sit, and I look, and I rewrite.  I determine that the next one will be that much better.  I question why, if they didn't write anything.  But not too much.  Because if you question too much, you enter a quagmire and get stuck, unable to write for the fear of that exposure. 

I'm determined to keep writing.

Thank you to everyone who has rated or reviewed my work.  I'm stubborn as an ass, and will keep trying to improve.

The Inevitable Letdown

So when you write something, you get into it.  You live it and breath it, no matter how long or short the piece.  You become a part of it, and it becomes a part of you.  This lives on to an extent through the editing process. 

I am finding that when I hit Publish, though, that there is a letdown.  I would liken it Post-Partum Depression, but I've never felt that, so I can't relate.  Sure, there's a weight lifted from your shoulders, that particular monkey is off of your back.  But then, its like there is something missing at that point.  Some void that was filled by that particular work.  Then comes the agitation.  You feel like you could have done more.  Could have edited better.  Could have added more, or maybe taken out more.  There is a sense of incompleteness.  You aren't done.  But you are.  You hit Publish.  Its done.  Its out there, now deal with the consequences.

I have felt this the last two times.  I'm guessing I'm going to feel it with the 3rd and 4th and on into infinity.  But I also know myself.  If I give in to those inner voices, I'll just keep editing and adding until the day I die.  I've done it before.  I worked on a novel for over 10 years and got absolutely nowhere with it because I refused to move on, refused to push through to the end.  Its all about nerves, because with writing, you're putting yourself out there.  People are either going to love or hate what you've written, which in turn means that they are going to love or hate you, because that work, on some level, IS you.

Of course, it could all be because I hate the promotion process.  I really need to hire someone to do that eventually.