BDSM in Erotica

There is a frightening trend in the writing of BDSM erotica, starting with the infamous Fifty Shades of Grey.  The trend is one of consent, or the lack thereof.  People coming into the BDSM scene after reading Fifty Shades or other erotica that has stemmed from it have a misconception about how BDSM works in real life.  This either makes them not wish to try it, or if they do wish to, to try it in ways that are considerably more dangerous than the actual acts would be.

I have worries about this trend, and that is for those more adventurous types.  After reading the atrocity mentioned above, I came to the conclusion that anybody who goes into BDSM thinking that this was a representation of how it works would be in for a world of hurt.  The main character has scenes set with the female protagonist.  At one point she says no and means it, and yet he continues on his course.

This is the legal definition of rape.

In BDSM, there are safeties in place to attempt to prevent these kind of scenarios.  It isn't a perfect system, by far.  Safe words, non-verbal cues, progression, public scenes, contracts. These are all attempts to make what could possibly be a dangerous activity safer. 

Also, one of the most key ingredients in any BDSM relationship is trust.  This is what I meant by progression.  You don't automatically jump into whips and choking without getting to know the Dom, or the Sub for that matter.  There is a huge amount of trust that needs to be invested in both relationships.  The Sub has to trust that the Dom A) knows what they are doing B) knows how far to go and C) has complete control of themselves.  The Dom has to trust that the Sub A) knows what they really want B) knows how far they are willing to go and C) won't forget to tell them to stop if they are going too far if the Dom misses a signal.  In BDSM, it is a relationship, and like any relationship you have to learn the signals, the pitfalls, and take the time to develop it.

So, while things in erotic fiction may go quickly, it is important to realize that there are realities to the situation that need to be observed.  If you are thinking about this type of relationship, do your research, pay attention, and take your time.